I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
