I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
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Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
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I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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