i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
