What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
