he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
