my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
