Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
