Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i wish my penis had a tongue
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love