I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.