So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Being responsible doesn't make memories.