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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
this just has baby written all over it
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
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They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".