living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.