Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize