I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...