trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
How does one acquire holy water?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
