Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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