People in love make me want to vomit
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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