Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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