I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You ate ashes out of my bong
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
