That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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