There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
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Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
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That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
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