Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
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