Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
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