I got chris browned last night
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
