NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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