Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
