I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
