now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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