remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
