she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.