if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas