i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
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last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN