I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?