i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize