I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Randomize
