sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
