I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
