We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
