i jhust puked up my retainher.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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