How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
