I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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