i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
