I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
