70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
