Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
