Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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