Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
