some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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