he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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