also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho