I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.