Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize