If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
