i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
