tell your sister to shave her snatch
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
