I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
