my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
