i love accidental penises.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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