If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize