I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
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I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
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I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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