rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
