I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
