I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
