It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
