The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
