Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love having hate sex.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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