Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
