I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
