we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
