I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
