good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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