I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
