is your mom at the bar?
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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