Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
